Glasvegas

Once in a few months i have this short fuse where i just get pissed off by things not within my control.. I do not know why, maybe as humans we must go through every single emotion yearly or something.. MUST..you know, just evidence to show that we're still human and not robots with pleasant feelings only.. The silliest thing about it is that it is not within my control, i cant do anything about it! That's the worst kind of situations to have any emotions over, but yet, I cant help it also..

I need to have this mentality whereby I only consider matters that are actually within my control, the rest? Let God handle.. Cos honestly, no point.. I like the mentality of "anything is possible", if you think it's possible, it can happen.. That is what a self-claimed former millionaire once told me.. And I really agree with him..

He told he mixed with other people that had the same mentality.. And when they came together to discuss an idea, they would first ask each other if they thought the idea is able to be carried out.. If they agreed it could, straight away liao, planned out the steps to carry it out.. He said dun ever leave any space for excuses.. Which is true in my case, cos most of the time I tell myself that this particular thing can be done, but I'm too lazy or what if it fails or I have no time.. Be it losing weight or studies.. Really..It's about time already..

And I like what Alex Ferguson said in an interview about why he is so successful..His answer? Never leave space for self-doubt.. Which sounds easy.. But everyone knows when we make a decision, the starting part or even mid way, we feel like why the hell did we make this decision! Joining a new CG is one e.g I can think of.. I had doubts at the start too! But it's not just me, look at Amos, so much self-doubt that he dun even dare to join ANY CG! So it's really not as easy as it sounds..

At first it was kinda sucky, and after like 1 month with them, I still felt like a stranger.. And when I saw my old CG after 1 month, all the cheery "hi"s and "how are you doing" made me wonder if i've made the wrong choice.. Suddenly I felt closer to my old CG becos of the stranger feeling I had in my new CG.. But i held on, and now after a few months already, i know i've made the right choice.. I'm not exactly "ah ka liao" with my new cg, but I can hold a decent conversation with most of them, sometimes there are still awkward moments, but there are some bright moments as well, in particular, the fellowship.. I feel comfortable when fellowshopping wif them in a group, so it's a good sign..

Honestly, reading my posts last year, it was like I wanted to change CG since the start of the year, but only managed to step out in faith at the end of the year.. It took me a year to gain courage to change CG! And I felt it's the best decision I had made last year.. I feel alive in church again..

And just last week, i saw my old CG again, it could be a different reality from what i saw, but what i saw was just 3 people going to fellowship.. Timothy, Elisha and Xinyi.. what a dramatic change right.. And after joining a few months, the CGL is already challenging me to serve in the CG.. It's a good push, something I have not had for a few years already.. This may sound weird, but I kinda missed discipleship.. As bad as Eric was last time, there were some good principles that he actually did taught me.. Nothing at the back of my head now, but I truly believe discipleship does make me a better person..

I have this thinking that I'm still young, I wanna learn, be it good principles or skills, so suddenly discipleship doesnt sound like a bad idea.. The only sucky thing is to actually trust the person teaching you that he/she is actually teaching you something useful.. If you feel that the person is talking rubbish, you're never gonna learn.. But then again, not learning rubbish is good as well.. Oh well.. Hope for a good mentor then..

Here's a song I'm addicted to.. Thanks to Lucas first for repeating this song 1million times when I was sharing a desk with him at our contract work office last time, and also the TV series Chuck, for reminding me this melody that was stuck in my head.. I dunno why but songs just sound better when you watch it in a a show that has it in their soundtracks.. It really sticks in the head, but what the heck, JUST enjoy..

Glasvegas - Daddy's Gone