Rant Tan Tan..

There's hope for me! I just felt like saying that cos that's what I felt when my female colleague told me that I'm quite a funny guy, so why am I not attached.. FYI, she's attached, so no, she's not interested in me, I just made her laugh today.. hahaha.. Well the sad reality is that I'm not attached..

Sometimes I think to myself, I think maybe I dun wanna be attached after all, maybe all this talk about how I long to be in a r/s, it's all bullshit, it's all a front.. I think maybe I'm afraid to get attached.. The commitment, the time consumed, the rejections, the potential arguments, the messed up feelings after a quarrel or disagreement, the making up after the disagreement.. Maybe deep down, I dun wan all those or I'm not ready for those..

But then again, maybe I just dun have the free time right now to think so much about girls.. Work and studying, even part time work, can be tiring.. And when I'm all alone, relaxing, I dun really think much abt r/s now.. I just wanna go into screensaver mode and just play pc games or watch tv series.. It's either one of those..

I was talking to my female cg member who is engaged already the other day, and we were talking about girls from my point of view. And I said to her what I really want is to talk to a female w/o having the need to impress her or have her think that I'm just trying to get into her pants when all I said was hello.. The social protocol of a group gathering of guys and girls insists that each gender gather with their own gender only.. If one decides to differ from this protocol, he/she risks the mocking of the group that he/she is... how should i put it delicately, Horny.. But really, I wanna just experience a different kind of conversation and not just have sausage fest.. But oh well, I'm not one who has balls of steel and am able to break such protocol. So just enjoy my sausage fest..

And then she asked me about my decision.. She sympathized with me by saying it's not easy to settle in a Cg, and after doing so, then I have to take leave from them.. Felt good for someone to step into my shoes.. But oh well, life still goes on, next week is my last week wif Cg before breaking.. Not really looking forward to it.. Feels like one of those r/s "breaks".. You know the stuff people in r/s tell themselves, they need a break to sort out their thoughts and really think about the r/s.. haha.. Hope it doesnt happen to me in the future..