Yes la..

How things changed so fast.. Just as i finished complaining my post, i received a msg saying no need book in tonite already.. The off is still on!!

Maybe God heard my complaints.. Haha..

Bo Wei Kong..

Plans are foiled again.. Swee..

So yst was the activation.. The good thing was that we were pre-warned about the time they would activate.. So i saved some money on cab as i took the mrt down.. BUT, army being army, always never kind to soldiers, i still took cab home.. Cos they released us too late for the last train.. So i ask, where is the welfare?? Wif that stupid amount of allowance, expect us to take cab whenever they activate, but where is the welfare to pay us back for cab?? No love i tell you..

The second bad news came about when my monday off was cancelled cos i had to come back to do area cleaning cos of some checks.. What the heck rite.. The stuff army make people do, really is no link to the max.. Even a bangla has more purpose than us.. When a bangla works on a construction project, they can say nxt time, i was part of building that building.. For us, cleaning for some checks?? Is just wayang and no purpose.. Damn..

And maybe signing on army wld make you rather stupid or senseless.. The original plan was monday, tue n fri off.. My commander told me since mon off cancelled, it will be changed to thurs instead..

So, any right thinking human would ponder about tue rite.. I mean if tue off is still on, it would be like this, Sun nite book in, then mon nite book out, the tue nite book in and lastly book out wed nite... Something that had happened in the past week.. And totally sucked..

So when we asked "tue le?", he said tue off still on, we all "HUH!!", and he went " you all dont want ah??".. Like wtf.. Really nvr use the brain to think..

The past week when i keep booking in and out, my mum n sis were rather puzzled.. Always asking, i tot u just booked in just now?? And i would reply, ya i did, now i'm out.. They would ask again, why liddat.. And my reply would be simple.. Liddat fun ma.. Army like to do this kinda thing.. It's just fun torturing people..

My bro, simple, keeps telling me, you book in like never book in liddat, might as well dont go back.. Easier said than done..

Chui ah.. Chui..

Suddenly..

Call it fate, call it luck, but it was meant to be.. Last wed when i went back to camp, i brought back all my luggage from the NZ trip to camp.. But i forgot to bring back the most impt thing.. PSP and Mp3 player.. Those are the 2 things vital to a stay in life.. W/o it, people can go mad inside.. It's true..

So i took out the only one entertainment i had.. Harvest times.. Lucky that i brought it cos it was in my bag all along..

Read it to occupy the morning and came across the article, handling your emotions - God's way.. Not that i'm a very godly person, somehow my mind chooses to hear practical advises rather than prayer in the answer.. That's why i normally skip those "spiritual" articles, but read those that got to do with everyday life..

So, the holy spirit did not fill the whole bunk and i started to cry, no, that din happen.. Rather, some words start to open my eyes..

Let me quote what was written..

The truth is, nobody can make you sad.. Nobody can make you glad. You alone are responsible for your own feelings!

You may be playing the blame game and projecting the blame on everyone around you for the way you feel. But the truth is that no one owns your feelings except you. You choose to be angry or forgiving, loving or hateful, mad or glad. And you can actually choose to change the way you feel.

An e.g they gave..

When someone spits on you, what do you get?? Mad?? No, you get wet. You chose to be mad..

And i went, true true.. So now, i want to take control of my feelings.. No more emo-ing.. No more how i wish i could go back in time.. My time is now, my future is out there to create.. No more letting my emotions get the best of me.. i conquer my feelings, not the other way round..

In Jesus Name, Amen..

Piss me off..

Returning to camp this morning, i realised my life that had been planned out this week, sucks badly.. Here's the schedule

This morning book in, evening book out.. Reason becos tml we have a inter artillery competition, where all artillery units compete in some physical competitions like running, swimming, etc and we dont have transport there.. So we are allowed to book out and make our way there ourselves tml.. Fucked up thing is that must reach the camp in khatib at 715.. Tampines to khatib.. 7.15am! Kan sian.. I already took cab this morning cos had to bring my "luggage" back to camp, and now tml take cab AGAIN.

Tml after the event, we can go home.. no need return camp.. But friday morning, book in camp AGAIN.. For a field pack inspection, cos we are involved in some local exercise.. And it's really fucked up cos what we do in the exercise is guarding ammo.. They had to call the whole battery just to do it.. what the fuck.. Den fri evening book out again..

Now the most fucked up part.. Sat evening book in again.. This time, it's an activation.. Means if they call us, we must return back to camp by 1.5 hrs.. Tampines to Yew Tee takes more than 1.5 hrs.. Take cab AGAIN back to camp.. LAN LAN! The fucked up of fucked up part is that we are just doing sentry for ammo.. What the fuck.. What a worthless job that required such big sacrifces for it.. Time and money.. Since time = money, so is like double wastage of money..

And apparently we will only end on sun morning 3 am.. Den sunday morning book out.. KAN SIAN really..

So i prob booked in and out almost the most times possible in half a week already.. 4 book ins and 4 book outs in 5 days.. That's like almost a stay out life, just that, i never chose to stay out.. The reason is damn simple, my camp is too far.. And now they're making us do it.. Think our salary like 1k or something.. Not even a subsidy for cabs during activation.. CCB..

Fucked up!

Meet me at the finishing line..

Funny how i came back from NZ but haven written anything about my journey..

Some complacency and the fact that i could take a whole day to write about my trip delayed the post..

I doubt i am gonna write it now, cos i have plans later..

Someone told me that he/she wished i would write funnier posts instead of the emo ones.. I try.. Really.. But no guarantees or refund..

So far no one really knows how my NZ trip except for the summary that it was actually boring.. The only reason this was the case is becos everyone seems contented with that i gave them answer.. So i was also contented to just give them that answer..

Who am i kidding.. No one is THAT interested in my life.. HA!..

Cheer up.. Eat aston first then say.. LOL

I sign on for aston already.. haha

Some Happiness..

Sometimes u just wanna say something right in the face of a person.. U know, just to get the load of your chest.. Things you shouldnt even be holding out in your heart.. Stuff that after saying out, could make people wake up their idea.. But you just dont, not becos it isnt necessary, but the fear of their reaction..

The problems in my life now, i just wanna say to those affected, give and take.. Not everything has to be YOUR way..

I shall set my first goal for this year.. Since i havent set any..

Be happier than last year.. Sounds easy, but really is difficult.. Cos nobody bring you out of the shit hole except by your ownself..

Maybe when i ORD, that could happen, but wait, anyone would be happier when they ORD..

Changed! Happier than last year but must before ORD..

If you call me today, i'll say that i'm fine...

Yes, i'm back..

Just to save the trouble of people asking, the trip was boring.. Becos i was literally in the camp for like 15 or 16 days.. And had only 1 day to go out and play.. So i cant give like a full evaluation of whether NZ was fun or not..

Yst was valentine's day.. FUCK valentine's day.. This year's valentine's day is like a reminder of what i used to have before.. You would think after so long, it would be so easy to forget.. Cos we cant just chuck these things one side, we got to face it to overcome it.. No point chucking it one side unresolved, it may just come back to haunt you..

There's no logic or even desire for me to keep wanting to stay like this.. It's not an excuse just becos i have a NSF life.. Cos i am surrounded by friends who accepts me.. So no excuses..

Maybe YOU dunno your actions and words still influence me somehow..

So now pastor is preaching about relationships every week.. Prob sitting through each svc would be an electric chair torture experience.. How do i stop those memories from coming back?? God is like having some showdown with me.. All the power *chuk ka liao*.. No chance for me to fight back..

From another view, prob God is making me face me demons in my vulnerable state, and He is telling me to lean on him.. Or maybe, He is just telling me to learn how to love a woman..

I'm not gonna end off with some cliche "love sucks" or "love is cruel", cos it actually isnt.. Breakups sucks, breakups are cruel, not love..

You're just a sad song, with nothing to say