Breakeven

A friend of mine broke down to me about being unable to move forward with his life after his breakup with his gf. And it made me think back about my own situation..

Seeing how he always act cool and composed with his own life, claiming "okay what" all the time.. In de end, the bottled up feeling always surfaces up.. And i guess that's what celebrities mean when they say, "i'm just like any other person, who have their own insecurities". Cos we think celebrities have it all, the fame, the money, the party life, endless people surrounding them, waiting to befriend them, but at the end of the day, when they wake up all alone, they still feel like my friend as well..

Can u imagine someone as hot as Jennifer Anniston being lonely at home, feeling like shit? U wld think most guys in the world wld give anything to be with her, but i guess she still feels lonely considering how many failed relationships she has been in.. Something like that..

I thought about my previous situation again, and wonder, how did i get over it?

It wasnt an easy process, that's for sure, cos it took me close to 2 years to forget that episode.. Den i realised, what helped me was the fact that i faced the problem straight on.. I made several mistakes along the way, actually plenty of them. But each time, when i realised my mistake, it brought me a step closer to my own freedom.. Sure it sucked everytime i made a mistake, cos with it comes regret, humiliation.. And it wasnt an easy feeling to go through considering you are already broken inside..

I admit, the mistakes i made were to decide to try and patch things up between my ex and wanting to get back together.. Even thou logic would defy my actions, but i went with my heart and was burnt all over again..

Each time i thought maybe if we just got back together, and just try again, everything will be alright.. But each time she rejected my offers, and i thank God for her wisdom to do it, becos it wldnt have worked out for both of us.. And prob we wld both end up getting more hurt than we were already..

And it wasnt just one time that i succumb to my carnal desire to merge again, it was prob 3 times.. You cld imagine the desperation that i sunk into.. But with each rejection, it opened up my heart to let go, and by the 3rd time, i found the closure i needed to end this pathetic state of mind.. It's liken to a baseball game, 3rd time, and i was out of the game, i knew it was game over by then.. Somehow by then, my attempts to forget this relationship i once had, was finally working.. Not that i din try hard enough before, i tried everything, but i guess through our own mistakes, we grow more and more to become stronger in a way..

So i guess that's what we all need.. To dare to make those mistakes.. If we are always so afraid, then we will always be where we are.. In that exact same state.. It cld have turned out differently, i cld have been together with her after i tried to get her back, but it wasnt meant to be.. And i know this cos i dared to make that move, which turned out to be a mistake, but i dared.. Sure it made me look like a fool.. But if it meant looking like a fool to find freedom, to find closure, then it had to be done..

So look where i am now, moving on already.. I could be still at that very same state, thinking what if.. and still doing nothing, still holding on to that what if..

So i guessed that's sums up how i moved on.. I never really mentioned it here thou, thought i could write it down, to remind myself one day in the future..

The Script - Talk You Down

I can feel the colour running
As it's fading from my face
Try to speak but nothings coming
Nothing I could say to make you stay
Grabbed your suitcase called a taxi
It's 3am now where you gonna go?
Gonna stay with friends in London
And that's all I get to know

Just a cigarette gone
No you couldn't' be that far
So I'm driving in my car where I hope you are
Maybe I can talk you down
Maybe I can talk you down

We're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
Gonna use my heart and not my head
and try to open up your eyes
This is relationship suicide

Cos if you go, I go...

Taking shortcuts through the alleys
While your racing through my mind
Cops can chase but they wont catch me
Not before I get to speak my mind
If there's still time

Just a cigarette gone
No you couldn't be that far
So I'm driving in my car where I hope you are
Maybe I can talk you down
Maybe I can talk you down

We're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
Gonna use my heart and not my head
and try to open up your eyes
This is Relationship suicide

Cos if you go, I go...
Cos if you go, I go...
Cos if you go, I go...
Cos if you go, I go...

We're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
Gonna use my heart and not my head

Just a cigarette gone
No you couldn't be that far
So I'm driving in my car where I hope you are
Maybe I can talk you down
Maybe I can turn around

We're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
Gonna use my heart and not my head
and try to open up your eyes
This is Relationship suicide