I'm only raising this issue cos i've seen it twice in two days.. And it's taking people for granted.. Yes friends do that.. shocking rite, i know..
I'm not gonna name names or describe in detail.. Gonna give a general description.. And i may be referring to another person in these situations, not necessarily me.
I realised the "small" things that friends do/don't do for you, can really affect you.. Why do i say "small", that's becos to the friend it could be insignificant, but for you, it could be stuck right in your head.
Sure, i mean afterall we are all friends, let bygones be bygones, it's about love and stuff, but hold on, we are not God, we still wanna feel loved, celebrated right? It can't be everytime only your friend feels the love, but you just feel the "love".
When i said feel the love, i mean literally feeling it, showers of blessing, actions, etc.. When i said feel the "love", i mean, just saying it, "oh of cos you're a dear friend of mine, deep down in my heart, that is where you're at", yea right, probably too deep inside that it's lost and it's always just words..
Probably some people are able to contend with that, becos their love language is words of affirmation.. but if u're someone of a different love language, then sorry, it probably just doesnt cut it for you..
I'm not sure if it's fair to say this, but are those kinda people really considered friends?
Let me put out a situation..
There's this person, who doesnt hang out wif you much, probably not there during your bday celebration or big events, but when u are in trouble, this person is there for u, is that a friend??
and...
There's another person, who you always hang out with, there with you cutting the cake during your bday or other big events, but when you are in trouble, this person isnt there for you, is that a friend?
But of cos if u ask me, it would be better to have a friend that you hang out with and is there when you need them.. That's a true friend..
Sure it's better to give than to receive, and we ought to give w/o expecting any returns.. But what if u felt tired of always giving and not receiving? Then you think to yourself, you still wanna be a friend, and you just suck it up.. but deep down, u just wanna receive back the love..
What a mess really..
FYI, i have been wanting to say this for a very long time to all the female friends out there.. It's not cool when you think that guys have to do almost like everything.. I'm tired of seeing stuff like, guys must initiate the meetup, or guys must make the decisions, etc.. GET THIS IN TO YOUR THICK SKULL, we are NOT your boyfriends.. We are NOT chasing you, friends are EQUAL, regardless of sex.. Male friends dun have to do what your boyfriend ought to do, cos that's what a boyfriend is for..
We dun need to impress you neither do we need to be the head and lead the way.. You wan us to do that? Sure, make us milo peng when we ask you lah..
When we have our own girlfriends, we do all these things by ourselves, we dun need to "practise" on you, what we ought to do for our girlfriends, we KNOW what to do, and you are NOT our girlfriends, so we are NOT obliged to do any of the things a boyfriend does.. If we initiate, then good for you, if not JUST SUCK IT UP AND STOP WHINING ABOUT US NOT BEING A GENTLEMAN..
That's suppose to be the beauty of friendships, equal status.. So dun ruin it please..
4 comments:
I refer to what you've mention in your blog.
"Let me put out a situation..
There's this person, who doesnt hang out wif you much, probably not there during your bday celebration or big events, but when u are in trouble, this person is there for u, is that a friend??"
(MY Answer: considered.)
"There's another person, who you always hang out with, there with you cutting the cake during your bday or other big events, but when you are in trouble, this person isnt there for you, is that a friend?"
(My Answer: It shows that 'I' was never a 'friend' to this person.at all.)
But of cos if u ask me, it would be better to have a friend that you hang out with and is there when you need them.. That's a true friend..
(it'd be rare to find such person.)
What if the first situation, the guy is just helpful? But u no link with him, interest, everything different, that's why nvr hang out.
And 2nd situation, what if the guy is the kinda guy that doesnt like to face problems head on, he tends to avoid if neccesary, but you 2 know each other long and have the same interest.
still he is considered a friend cos though he is not there physically, but mentally he still remembers you and is there for you. It's rare or impossible to find 'born-to-be-helpful' friends who just HELP you when in times of need. No such free service. If such friends can be there for you in times of need, means YOU still hold a place in his heart as a friend at least.
If this guy doesnt like to face problems, so when it comes to problems btwn you and him as friends, is he going to avoid it again? then where's the importance of this friendship now? Say example one fine day he asked you, "Hey how are you?" and you replied, "bad. i've got problems to deal with" .. so what's his reply next?
(A) "Oh... too bad for you..."
(B) "ok.......... none of my business anyway.*(thinking in his mind)*
(C) "aiya... dont care abt it la..."
A friend is there for you when you are happy and leave you when you are in trouble?? Avoiding problems doesnt solve it and the problems will never go away. It is there, will be there, and will always be there until something is done to it. When you are in trouble, its not necessary that he need to give you any advice and solutions to your troubles... One's life is not so smooth and easy, all the time. Having a habit of avoiding problems thru out his life will only make this person weak and never be able to climb far in anything in life.
I can easily think of church people who are helpful but are not my friends..
And what if u know that friend has issues of his own,maybe he came from a bad family backgrd tats why he doesnt like to face problems. U understand that so u never ever turn to him for a problem becos of that.
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