Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away..

Last post before i fly..

So yesterday my sis asked me, "You poly no friends ah??" The answer was no.. I gave up poly life for yc..

"So regret la??" Of cos if you asked me at that time, i tell you it was worth it, but if i knew how the r/s would end, i would regret..

"aiyo, next time dont put all your eggs in one basket lo.." Yea, i know already..

I guess we cant expect the same sacrifice for one another at all.. Not even the ones you call love... It was an irony that i sacrificed poly life, cos in de end, it was poly life that spoiled it all.. End of story..

Happy new year to all!!

So past few days, i have been thinking, i think alot, almost every minute, whether it is insignificant or significant, it's on my mind.. Which i found out, van has the same "disease".. So is simple mindedness really ignorance or is it personality??

Anyway, that was insignificant.. I realised some things have been coming back to haunt me.. I did not look for it, i said forget it, but it just comes up.. Maybe on one occasion i was really asking for it.. Do stupid things then regret!! Sometimes, the less you know, the safer you are..

Just forget it.. let me leave this thoughts behind and go ahead to have fun.. Escape from reality??

Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight

And to think they said "Where have all the good men in the world gone", and i say "running away from you!"

I guess most would agree girls move on faster than guys.. You see, we as guys, underestimate this other being.. They look so fragile on the outside, so easily hurt by actions, words, inactions, but yet when it comes to a break, they act like as if nothing happened.. What the hell..

The reason why i describe female as other being, cos they are weird and never understandable, unpredictable and illogical..

Guys become this insensitive jerk in the relationship, but no one talks about this other being, being the real bitch/hypocrite when they break!?! or being overly sensitive when in the relationship.. Like what the fuck man!!

I've said this before, and i'll say it again.. LISTEN WELL YOU OTHER BEING!! Who the hell would enter a relationship with YOU if they knew that after they break, you wouldnt even be missed/remembered, we would just be another guy in your history books..

It's like saying this to us, "before we get together you should know this, if we ever break up, i wont even remember the good times we had and you would probably be just another guy.. And i would also probably get another guy to replace you just becos i need to fill the empty space that you left".. NICE!!

If YOU people haven forgotten, it was the other being that actually brought the downfall of men.. YOU ate that freaking apple and passed it to us.. YOU people are trouble, but WE are accepting while YOU still can complain.. What the fuck?!?

YOU say WE are perverts, always thinking about sex, but if YOU din eat that apple, would WE be such a fallen sex?? We all would be still naked in the garden and not knowing what shame there is..

I could go on all day, but i've decided to stop.. Enough.. I am just pissed of my situation and others who have fallen in the same category..

Forget it..

What happened after cg yst, unsettled me again.. I tot it was buried under and staying there.. Den suddenly *BAM*.. Like an undead just rose up.. Very obvious other ppl had the wrong idea of what was going on, in fact the person "itself" had the wrong idea.. This is what happens when you left things unsaid.. But i decided not to do anything about it..

You might think, i just said this is what happens when things are left unsaid, and i am gonna learn my lesson and say the things out to settle it, but NO!! I learnt that if u care too much or u try to settle something with the best intentions, u gonna get burn!! Yes, you think you're doing the right thing den ppl come to u and slap your face for it.. Forget it!! Why i wanna go make things complicated again??Just let whatever the person think happened, happened, and let it stay that way..

Forget it forget it forget it forget it forget it forget it forget it..

Battling sickness..

Sick..

Since last sat celebrations, my body became chui.. Been a while since i was sick.

First it was an eye infection cos i was wearing my lens too long on sat.. Plus riding a bike with a helmet, but w/o the visor, din really help made it better.. Luckily, leslie drove, if not the trip home would have been far more torturous one for me..

And i believed spending the whole day with jx, enabled his germs to crawl all over me.. Yes, he was sick on that day.. Unfortunately, i caught his virus as well.. And no, i am not blaming him..

And at one point it was so bad, i couldnt even see properly.. Head was really spinning.. But at least i know how to take care of my body.. Eating 3 meals a day, drinking water, taking meds, having lots of rest.. But gaining weight also.. Damn.. I need to exercise after this..

So i was thinking, sometimes my mind gets me into alot of trouble.. Thinking too much.. i should keep it simple.. Why i want to go make it so complicated?? Stop reading soo much into things.. Dont care already.. Just have alittle fun.. Ignorance is blissed??

Where do we go..

okay i just deleted my whole post before this, cos it just contain too many sensitive stuff..

Sat was a weird night.. Many things happened.. Thou many were not sober enough to see, but i saw enuf for myself.. And i shld just keep the comments to myself.. Btw, thanks terence, for being a listening ear..

So where do we go from here??

A bday experience

Weird weekend for me.. Not like ET weird, but just not the usual service then on to simpang and joke ard kinda weekend..

I dunno why, but prob my temper yesterday had a shorter fuze compared to other days.. I was irritated much more easily.. First it was Jx plea for ice cream almost the whole day..I mean If u really wanted ice cream, anything will do.. But no, cannot eat New Zealand ice cream cos reminded of Jess, cannot eat the bread and ice cream at the road side stall cos today wear handsome, spoil image, cannot eat mcdonald's ice cream cos queue too long.. I tell u, i cannot take it.. Really was KAN irritated..

Den came team PITA (Pain In The Ass).. who took turns to take a shot at me becos i bought ben shermen polo tee.. Why?? Cos it's BEN SHERMEN!!! Amos alone can take down any giant any day with his irritating traits.. Be it the slang of his words or the cheap shot laughters at you.. Combine that wif Matt's illogical cos it sounds retarded or he thinks is retarded but dun really know what is it all about, you get a real PITA.. Seriously, Ben Shermen isnt that bad.. I would even consider going back to buy again.. But no, to PITA, Ben Shermen is worse than Bossini.. They rather wear a Bossini than BEN SHERMEN!! Well, sorry, i aint as cool as you guys.. I lower class than u all, so no choice la, BEN SHERMEN!!

So ate at marche, dont really understand why it has such a long queue, the food okay only, not like super fanstastic.. I'd rather eat Aston's than marche anyday.. Now, normally after dinner, a comprimised decision of where to go next is tougher than O levels these days.. Everyone has different opinions and interest, and obviously people like me, MUST be so inflexible and dont go clubbing makes everything a whole lot more difficult.. Sorry guys, i am really not jumping on the clubbing bandwagon.. Not my style, i'd rather stay home n watch soccer.. And that is what i should do every week if they suggest clubbing.. Straight away when they say clubbing, den "oh, u guys go ahead, i go home watch soccer", to avoid any conflicts of where to go..

Plus, i know i promised hp i wld go clubbing on his bday.. But this time really cannot.. Finances are tight, if i have the excess cash, i would really go.. I dont wanna go club den end up no money at the end of the month..

So in de end we went some KTV pub or something.. Went there to drink alcohol, and obviously i dont drink also, but just join in cos they got free mixers.. Din mind paying some for their bill, but dunno why in de end they split themselves.. Over there was like the normal drinking games.. Chai quan and dices.. Den we sang some karaoke also.. Flooded the place wif english songs.. dont care only.. "AND I... WILL LOVE YOU... BABY.. ALWAYSSSSS" Zhao xia to the max, but dont care.. lol..

After that, was the drunk episode.. When ppl are drunk/high/act not drunk but is drunk, they sort of lose their composure and show their "chui" side.. And what i saw yst was really chui, in many ways.. I found an unlikely source of listening ear from terence.. I just talked to him what's on my mind and he also share some experiences, and i realised, he's quite nice to talk to.. And a really nice guy.. You seriously dont need to be a christain to be a totally nice guy.. Seriously..

I'm not really someone who shares wif a stranger, but looking at yst's situation, there werent many sober or calm ones.. All were either drunk or pissed, n i belonged to the latter of cos..

What the conversation was about will stay wif me n him, unless i decide to say it out.. But yst's experience really was like a low point in my life.. I can understand we all do crazy things in life, that's why we're humans.. If all we ever do was the right thing, we would be robots..

So where do we go from here??

Do i accept reality, or question it??

The up and down feeling still remains, what's new??

Sometimes i felt i've conquered mount everest, sometimes i feel like i can't even conquer bukit timah hill..

Behind every great success, is a great sacrifice.. Just as you can gain the whole world, but lose yourself.. A matter of choice..

How do we gain acceptance?? Do we try to blend in or stand out??

There isnt a definite correct answer in choices, is there?? It's more like which sacrifice seemed correct or which do we sacrifice least when we choose..

I try my best to do the right things in life, but at what cost?? In the first place, are they even right??

How should we think, with our brain or heart?? The most logical choice may seem so cruel, the most heartfelt choice may seem so retarded..

Questions that are all so debatable..

They say the life now u have is a result of the choices u make.. Are u making the choices you want today??

What if, being selfish in decision making would make ur life a whole lot better?? What if someone told u if you disown the ones you love right now, you would live a much better life than you have right now.. They're not bad people, but just not helping you progress in your life, would you still do it??

I wonder what i would become if i just stopped caring..

Sometimes i wished i wouldnt care.. Trying to make the people around you feel alittle more comfortable.. Doing the little stuff that people probably wont appreciate.. Thinking of them even thou they're not thinking of you..

I really would hope for the best for people who shared their problems with me.. I would think of them, then i would think if only i could give them the solution to their problems.. But i'm not some kind of hero, i'm just another listening ear.. And i wished i was some kind of hero..

I know how it nice it is like to have someone to just sit n listen to your problems, n i try my best to do it for others, cos i would want the same reaction from the people ard me..

I dunno why have i typed so much random stuff either, but i guess my head is full of random thoughts.. Kinda like a kid in this world who just doesnt know what to do.. Waiting for his dad to answer him.. I guess not everything can be answered in this lifetime.. So i'll forever have this questions in my mind.. Whatever..

U dont know love till you've loved..

Things are starting to fall in place.. After months of turmoil.. My life has begun again..
But i'm not there yet.. I feel i need to improve sumore.. Right now i feel like as if i'm in a self control test.. Only time will tell if i've passed.. Hoping for this thing to work out.. Waiting for doors of opportunities to open..

But definitely in a better state now..

Looking forward to my specialist appointment in march..

And i've got to say, this building fund really feels like a building fund.. I'm really saving and being calculative in the things i spend.. But i thank God at least my mum sponser me my NZ trip n new year clothes spending.. It's kinda like a blessing already.. Cos it wld total up to 600.. Not bad rite.. God answers prayers..

And oh ya i thank God for this miracle.. I mean it's a totally impossible thing to happen in army.. Really.. I never expected this at all.. I never even dream of it happening, but it is.. Although it's like not perfect, but it already is a miracle.. But i'm not disclosing what happened.. HAHA!!

To top if off, Not really looking forward to NZ anymore.. Hearing that there is only 1 day of R&R was really a turn off.. Kinda like u saw a pretty girl but then finding out it is a trans.. Serious.. All the hype of going to NZ, best overseas training ground, etc, but only having 1 day to visit the city of NZ.. Like WTF.. I might as well train in Singapore..

Just wanna add.. Amos, u clubbing nerd, one of ur clubbing photo.. KAN PUA FUNNY!! I SWEAR!!.. U know which one i'm talking about!! haha..

All for nothing..

Wa nick, really.. All these years of friendship for nothing.. $50 out of yr close to $1000 pay.. Cant even part with it.. Really for nothing..

Normally i $50 nvr gei kao until liddat.. But everybody got their "claypot" moments.. Ask you last month, tell me you going japan, wont pay me back so soon.. Neh mind.. I ownself suffer, stay at home more often, eat lesser of outside..

Today, pay come in, remind you to pay back, excuse come out gao gao again.. Driving test la, driving lesson la, pay your credit card la.. I am not asking you to pay $500, just $50.. Still can complain if you pay me $50 den WTF u gonna eat..

KNN, becos of this $50, i yst feel like one dog liddat.. Go out wif my army friend must keep borrow money.. Go eat lunch, must approach one friend borrow.. Go another location, must approach another friend borrow to top up ez link, go watch movie, must approach another friend borrow.. Like one dog liddat, go here go there to beg for favours.. I din even have the money to top up my already negative ez link.. Almost couldnt even take MRT to meet them.. Luckily my coins saved me..

Still want to tell me WTF u gonna eat.. Really Nick.. Why u so liddat.. Friend so long already.. I last month tell u i short of cash, den now still no love.. Nvm la really.. Go enjoy getting your car license la eh.. Den can go flaunt your new car or something.. Please go enjoy yourself at the expense of someone else, if it makes you feel better..

Desperado

I cant believe it.. I'm a desperado..

Honestly, not proud to be one, but am totally one now.. As i reflect back my actions, i cant help but noticed it.. Why?!?!?

Why cant i just treat it like any other, why must it seem so exclusive to me.. I want it slow and steady not like a desperate man!!

Please, stop the nonsense and exhibit some self control.. Final warning already.. I can do it.. Last words?? Stop the fairy tales and embrace reality..

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses??


the eagles - desperado